My Heart's True Desire

Friends this is going to be a hard post for me. Mentally, Spiritually, and Emotionally. I am going to share with you from the bottom of my heart, my true heart's desire. I am already tearing up as I type these first few sentences.

First let me tell you what I believe,

I believe that God is the one true living God, infinite, all-knowing, perfect in all His attributes, One in essence, eternally existing in 3 persons-Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
and
I believe that the Bible is God's word, truth without any mixture of error, totally sufficient, and completely authoritative for matters of life and faith. So when He says, "I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," (Jer. 29:11) He means it, He has perfect plans for each one of us.

The problem is......

This is where I have my downfall, you see, I have had my own plans. Plans that CJ and I talked about before we were engaged or married. I have had for the longest time a desire in my heart, that I believe He put there, to not work outside of the home once I had children. To some that may sound like torture, but to me it sound glorious. I feel that if God has blessed my life with something so precious as another human being, then of course I need to be there and make sure that this life is brought up in the word, the way He intended.

So this is where I am stuck, these are  were my plans, but I also feel that He is the one who put that desire into my heart. So I am torn, is it really His plans or are they mine? Could it be both?

And after the Hubs and I sat down and talked about our finances we realized that right now it is not feasible for me to not work, I had hopes of going part time to where I would only have to work 2 days a week, but that is not going to happen either. I was crushed.

I have been praying really hard about having peace about this, and thankfully God has granted me that peace. I am not as anxious or worried about our financial situation and trying to squeeze and stretch every penny. And He has definitely answered our prayers through my sweet Mother-in-love who is going to come to our home and keep Hudson on the days I have to work. This means he will get to stay on his routine, sleep in his own bed, I won't have to worry about a daycare worker just putting him in a corner or in a swing and forgetting about him because his sweet Lolly will I am sure never take her eyes off of him, I don't have to worry about some stranger not caring if his milk is warm enough or if they even know what to do with breast milk, and more importantly I won't have to worry about his safety because again he will be with his Lolly! Thank you Jesus for all the worries and fears you have taken off this child of yours through this amazing woman who gave birth to the man you planned for me to be with!

On that note I must say that it is still a struggle for me at times, like when I began typing this blog, not to be heartbroken that I will not be the one taking care of my precious baby boy every day. Even though it is his Lolly, I am his mommy, and well I just don't think you can ever replace a mother. So friends all of this was to say, please pray with me for continued peace about my job situation after Hudson makes his big debut. I have a great job, and I do feel like God put me in that place for a reason, I was just hoping to fulfill His plans for me there before our son came into this world.  And if it is in God's future plans for me to be able to stay at home more with our sweet baby that He will show us what to do and how to better use His money.

To God be the Glory in any situation that He gives to me, may my life glorify Him and tell others of His great works, that my friends is what my heart's true desire is.